Do You Really Love You? 20 Questions to Consider

In the musical “Fiddler on the Roof,” there is a memorable scene in which the main character, Tevye, asks his wife, Golde, “Do you love me?” She brushes off his question, and he asks again.

“What a question,” she answers, and she proceeds to list off the many things she does for him. Golde seemed to think it was a silly question–in her mind her actions were clearly enough for Tevye to know the answer.

Actions do tell us a lot. Our behavior is an outward expression of our inner thoughts and feelings.

So let’s take Tevye’s question a step further and ask, “Do you love you?”

Sit with the following phrases for a few minutes and consider the actions you take for your own wellbeing. Your responses may lead you to new awareness, offering insight into the truth of your relationship with you.

1. I eat healthy foods and take care of my body.

2. I feel guilty if I take care of myself or do something for myself.

3. I am able to set boundaries with others and say “No” when it is best for me to do so.

4. I am very sensitive to criticism.

5. I am confident and able to express my needs and wants.

6. I have difficulty dealing with conflict.

7. I often feel frazzled and/or fatigued.

8. I look in the mirror and like who I see.

9. In social situations I am able to relax and just be myself.

10. When I make a mistake, I am compassionate with myself and don’t beat myself up.

11. I do tasks that I feel obligated to do, but really don’t want to.

12. I know that I am “good enough”–as a person, a partner, a parent.

13. I overindulge in compulsive behaviors: shopping, computer activities, substance use.

14. I frequently participate in activities I enjoy.

15. I am clear about my unique gifts and talents.

16. I do whatever I can to avoid people getting angry and upset with me.

17. I know that I deserve to be loved.

18. I recognize when I become self-critical and am able to stop it.

19. I purposefully choose activities that are in alignment with my beliefs and values.

20. I find life to be fun and enjoyable.

You may think that self-love is egotistical or selfish, but that’s not what I’m talking about. Self-love is the ability to see your own innate worth, to accept your humanness with both its strengths and weaknesses. It’s being able to recognize your value from the inside, rather than relying on others to make you feel good about yourself. It is about being responsible for your own happiness, rather than blaming others for your difficulties.

When you are filled with self-love, you take action that reflects your highest vision of yourself. And when you’re filled, you have plenty of love to share.  

“The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours—it is an amazing journey—and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.”
  ~Bob Moawad